I woke this morning and I know that I was praising in my sleep and praying in the spirit in my semi consiousness. But it was just a matter of moments before the enemy was right there to escort my thoughts into the land of the helpless and selfpittying. I said "no thanks I think I'll take the Chariots today!" Wow...imagine...the power to choose. I know these are pretty soft choice in light of what others are suffering but hey! I'll take the lesson here so maybe I wont have to go there. The kids missed the bus...so I drove them. No biggie. As a matter of fact I was really Blessed. We sang Lord I'm Amazed by You. You want to put a smile on your face...drive down the road singing that song accompionied by your 5, 7 & 9 year olds belting it out right along side you...And meaning it!
Yesterday was a bit more challanging to make better choices and I didnt do nearly as well. Before church I had to peel my 9 year old off my 5 year olds back because he didnt want him to play the keyboard for whatever reason. The squeeling went right through me and I got very reactionary. So...not even out the door and I was already apilagizing for not being less than gentle. Then I explained that the sound that he was causing to come out of his brother should have been a good indicator that he was doing something wrong. In our house there is liberty and justice for all. If one of the kids takes a liberty to do something that another doesn't like they will happily bring down justice for all! As I think more seriously at why that is I beleive a great deal has to do with consistancy. I really need to pray for God to open my eyes to this truth. If I tell child A not to bang on the keyboard one day but I fail to tell that to Child B the next then child A will take care of it for me. Can I just go on record saying its hard to manage six kids. In some cases there is a fairness issue there in their eyes yet in another obedience is what counts. Just because I said no to you one day does not mean I have to say no the next. This has really gotten off on a tangent...so off of parenting and back to my life in Christ.
A small victory happened yesterday when we were loading some stuff into my mom van and my nine year old thought we were through. Without looking he jumped up and with his full weight pulled the back hatch down...on my head! Can we say ouch? Yes we can, but, it is what I didnt say and what I didnt do that was the victory! I hate to admit it but that normally would have sent me into a fit of anger. I would have blasted my poor child and probably sad a few choice words. For whatever reason I put my hand on my head and spoke in toungs! LOL. Just kidding. What I did do though was realize right away that there was a choice here. It was an accident. Just the fact that it happened was hard enough on my child with out me making him feel any worse. Yes, it ruined my mood till the motrin set in but I got over it and didn't hurt anyone in the process. I'm sorry if people can't associate with this but I am a very real and honest person who's life mission is to become more like Christ. It is a tall order but I like to think I am making progress!
I am not "all that" and I have by no means "arrived" nor do I want to deceive anyone into thinking I have. What good does that serve. It is not ok to use that as an excuse to embrace my imperfection. I dont want it. But I do accept it and move on knowing that another chance is right aroung the corner. God forgives! He still wants us even after we totally missed the mark.
We had an excellent teaching yesterday about the prodigal son. It was an angel that I had not looked at befor but it really ministered truth to my spirit. I wont try to repeat it because I wouldnt be able to but I will give you the Stephanie interpitation.
How far does one have to go to be a prodigal? Any amount of stepping outside of the fathers covering is still stepping out and no matter how far we step out we are always received back with rejoicing! Always! The picture I have is of someone standing in a storm just drench...rode hard and put up wet. And then someone who has the umbrella right in their hand yet they hop in and out from under it like it is a game. I venture to say that they are in the most danger. The one who is out is aware of the fact that they are out and when they come back I feel they will come back in full force! They will fully embrace the grace and mercy shown to them. The one who is in and out probably doesnt recognize that they are in trouble and those around them probably dont see it as any big deal either and they can spent their whole life that way. I pray that God will show me the areas in my life where I get outside of His covering and as I work those things out in my life (or He works them out of me!) that He will welcome me back with rejoicing. Praise God for turning our mourning to rejoicing with singing and my sorrow to dancing.
Well...a little scattered today but what canI say...